My Journey with Breast Cancer

..bye, bye port

2010-07-01T17:17:00.002-04:00

TODAY the port came out. Was a little leery that the doctor was doing it IN THE OFFICE and not in the OR, but it went fine. Only discomfort was the 900 needles to numb it!! (well, maybe only 3-5) No stitches, just derma bond and a couple of steri strips. Started to bleed, but I put a bandage on it, doing good.
Doctor said the lead was not working properly. My only good thing is that I DON'T EVER WANT TO HAVE TO USE ANOTHER PORT AGAIN!!!
Came home and finished "THE HELP" on the cool, cool porch. Took a little nap and I think I may retire early. Just a little sore...tylenol extra strength usually works good!!
Ahh....port no more...maybe now I'll try PORT WINE!!

2010-06-19T22:26:00.001-04:00

RELAY FOR LIFE

2010-06-19T22:14:00.003-04:00

Well, I did it. Walked the track as a survivor and what better way to do it than with family and friends by my side!! I feel so blessed to be here and able to do that. My goal was to raise $500, I raised almost $900! It was a beautiful night, very warm but emotional. Stayed until my body gave out at midnight, then headed home to sleep in my own bed. Exhilarating to say the least!!

2010-06-19T22:14:00.000-04:00

..and I'll HUFF & I'LL PUFF....maybe!

2010-05-28T07:35:00.002-04:00

No 'huffing and puffing' here. Went back to Urgent Care for a follow up on Tuesday, May 25. She was very thorough and gave me a nebulizer treatment. Seemed to work, brought up 'something' with the cough that had been un-productive. Told me to up the dosage of prednizone, and get an inhaler. THAT was a trip and a half! Made my heart race and I felt really out of control. DONE with that! She made a call to my pulmonary doctor to see me before the end of June. Saw him on Thursday, May 27. He is certain with all the tests and the function of my lungs that this is definitely acid-reflux induced. I'm to see a gastro doctor in July. He also wants me to do a sleep study soon to determine how I sleep at night (I COULD TELL HIM THAT, lousy!!)and maybe this too has something to do with all this nonsense.
I am SO looking forward to getting away and having a few laughs and fun in the Big Apple. So I cough all around the city, what else is new!!

--meds to go

2010-05-23T15:21:00.003-04:00

After a week of coughing, (so what else is new? this is getting WAY old!) I called my PCP and he was booked. Went to urgent care and saw a very nice lady doctor. She listened to my chest, 'heard' some sounds but sent me for a chest x-ray to see what is going on. She then proceeded to put me on steroids (guess I won't be playing any major league sports any time soon!) So it's prednizone for a month; starting with 4 a day for a week, then 3, etc...by month's end I should be good to go? Or will I? She also mentioned that radiation and my GERD (acid-reflux) have a lot to do with the mucous lining in my esophogus. Radiation dries a lot of it up and it takes a while to recoup that back to 'normal'. She' having me take a Bactrim (antibiotic) 1x a day for a week to see if we can clear up the 'sounds' in my chest.
Now I'm feeling like a walking pharmacy. I used to laugh at my Mom taking so many pills in a day as well as my mother in law. NOW I AM ONE OF THEM!! I take 10 YES, TEN, pills a day to get by. That has to be a record. Can I look back on all this in a few months and laugh?? Let's hope so!!!
Gearing up for my Relay for Life walk in June. AND my birthday celebration/revitalization weekend in the BIG APPLE next week. Can't wait to laugh and see a Broadway play and have dinner at ELLEN'S STARLIGHT DINER where they make 'big' of your birthday complete with singing waiters/waitresses!!!
Along this road I travel there are many highlights!!!

..oh PORT...once more!

2010-05-08T09:48:00.002-04:00

Well, I go to get my monthly 'port flush' at the cancer center on Friday. As she's flushing, the skin above my port starts to 'inflate'! Not what it's supposed to do. She can't get a blood return, but it flushed ok with saline. She was very concerned, so she contacted my oncologist. Over to the hospital to have a 'dye study' done with an x-ray. Easy procedure, took less than 20 minutes and a cutie patootie doctor to boot!! Back to the cancer center to have them take out the access needle and I get chest pains. OHMYGAWD. Nothing major, just stinging pains in the area of the swelling. Only lasted for a couple of minutes, but the nurse was concerned it could be something else. My oncologist wants me to go downstairs to get a CT Scan, again...oh man. Lucky me, no vein is to be found on my arm so he has to get to the side of my elbow and now I have this big fat black and blue! Looks like I met my match in an alley!! Up to see what the results of the scan are and the oncologist says there is some pneumonia. Of course there is, why can't anything ever be EASY with me?!! She wants me to go on 10 days of an antibiotic. Am suffering terribly with the pollen here. I'm all clogged up and my cough is worse than ever. Pump up those anti-allergy meds!!
This dang road to recovery has more speed bumps than I anticipated. Stay tuned, I'm sure there is more drama ahead!!

...news I CAN'T 'lose'!

2010-04-30T17:59:00.003-04:00

Saw Leslie at the Breast Care center today...she is as awesome as everyone has told me. She was surprised this was our first meeting. Had some great things to tell me, one was that my cancer is gone. I am a 'survivor' but not to label myself as such. Cancer is a strange disease. Being cancer-free is everyone's goal, but not to say that it could and very well might occur again. Her main goal as well as mine is to be 'cancer-free' for the next 30 years! WOW. Something to look forward to in my 'golden years'! She examined me and found nothing, that I am healing so well was music to my ears. She will see me every 6 months until 2011; then I will be checked every year. MAMMOS are a must every year as I knew already. Her concern was the cough. Told me to STOP using any/all perfumes/colognes for a month and see how my cough is. Imagine!! I think I will try it. She said my body, tastes and overall being was dramatically altered with chemo drugs. I have sensations in my mouth that are sometimes very uncomfortable. Hot burning sensations on my tongue, making a lot of foods very un-appealing. She said it's attributed to the chemo drugs and may take many months to years to get back to 'normal'. She said I was ok in making the decision NOT to do the last four rounds of Taxol. Also gave me some exercises to do with my arm so that lymphodema doesn't set in. Arm and hand measurements were very good. They need to do this every 6 mos. to be sure that the lymph nodes haven't 'erupted' even though they are gone. Lymphodema isn't pleasant. I have seen it first-hand. She also told me that the Prozac in such a low dose is a good thing. NOT to expect miracles, the Arimidex has a lot of side effects that can be very uncomfortable. SO I only have 4.5 years to go on it....guess I can make that sacrifice to stay well!!
I AM ON THE ROAD TO WELLNESS...ready to take that journey one step further. With the love and support of all of those around me, this will be a 'walk in the park'!!

...check me out!

2010-04-29T18:41:00.001-04:00

Today I had a check up with the oncology radiologist. She said all is well and I'm 'lookin' good'!! Music to my ears. She re-read the mammo from March and said she's certain it was too early to have one done since I was very scarred from the radiation. I will follow up with her in 4 mos, right around the time of the next mammo! Tomorrow I will have an appointment with the Nurse Practioner, Leslie at the Breast Care Clinic. I hear wonderful things about her...we shall see. Saw my gyn a week or so ago. She's happy with my weight loss, my Vitamin D levels were low, so I scheduled blood work to be done last week. Follow up was good, levels look good! I NEED SUN, that's all!! She prescribed Prozac (holy cow!) for my nasty hot flashes from the Arimidex. One of those lovely side effects you get when you take a new med. I told her I didn't want to be a 'walking zombie' and she assured me the dosage wasn't high enough to do that! PHEW!
I'm looking forward to good weather, celebrating life and wellness with my nearest/dearest. Gearing up for a trip to the Big Apple for my birthday end of May and we've booked Palm Desert, CA for November!! THAT will be my 'wellness trip'! A little R&R with loved ones and friends. Can't wait.
It's been a journey to remember. My hair is slowly growing in, I got a new wig and I get a lot of compliments and folks are floored when I tell them it's 'temporary hair'! I think it looks natural and I feel comforatble in it. STILL not comfortable enough to go bare-headed! Not that brave yet.
I am looking forward to our RELAY FOR LIFE walk in June..and me walking the SURVIVOR'S WALK with my loved ones. The family/friends are on board to walk this with me and for that I am grateful.
Looking towards the future and no more CANCER. New beginnings...

...Spring has sprung

2010-04-02T06:58:00.003-04:00

The good weather is FINALLY here. Perhaps all that wetness contributed to me feeling lousy most of the week. OR it could be to that new med, ARIMIDEX. My bones are achy, but that is a side effect. I'm also nauseous, so now I know I have to eat something before I take that. The hot flashes are also a nuisance, they come in full force at night. Again, another side effect. My appetite is so-so. Some days I can't get enough food, other days I could care less if I ate. My hair is not coming in like I want it to, I feel at this point I will probably be lucky if I am able to go without a wig by JULY!! UGH.
I got the results of my latest mammogram in the mail, and although it looks like all went well, the radiologist wants to be sure that I book another mammogram in six months because, as stated on his report: "your mammogram did NOT show any significant abnormalities, but there is an area in your right breast that I feel should be re-examined in 6 months..." And then he goes on to say that the 6-month follow-up is an extra precaution to re-check a specific area of your breast...
WELL....SHOULD I BE NERVOUS ABOUT THIS NEWS? Barry said if it was anything really significant, the oncologist would be in contact with me. I think maybe when I see the radiation oncologist next week, I will mention this little tidbit of information!! Will it ever end?
Spring is a time for new beginnings...I am taking it one step at a time to assure myself that I am OKAY. I will be fine. It just may take a bit longer than normal!!

...the long and winding road

2010-03-24T06:15:00.002-04:00

It's been a very long and winding road. I think that I have finally found a way to get OUT and get back on normal ground. Finished up radiation on 3/22. What a send-off they give you, complete with confetti and a diploma (did I accomplish something big? you bet I did!) I left the gals with a couple of bags of 'doctor and nurse' gingerbread cookies. They let ME leave there with a smile on my face! Did see the pulmonary doctor that morning. He says that all my 'functions' (i.e.: lung capacity, heart, breathing) are fine. Determined this cough is triggered by seasonal allergies and post nasal drip. Guess that's a relief. I am now an offical 'druggie'..I have more drugs to take daily than I thought humanly possible. TWO acid reducers; TWO allergy pills; cough medicine with codeine at night to help me sleep (and it has after only THREE rounds of coughing first!!) then there is that dreaded 'anti-cancer pill' Arimidex. Waiting for the shoe to drop on that one. Hated reading the side effects, maybe I will get lucky. I am on the road to wellness..so if it takes a few drugs along the way, so be it.
My 'girls' took me to dinner last night as well. Fun night, lots of laughs, delicious dinner. I then went to an "INSPIRATION NIGHT" at a Yoga studio afterwards. How uplifting and spiritual for me. Feel like I got a lot of 'junk' out of my system. Tears and laughter and rejuvenation. Miserable night, but I was in a good place.
Slept fine for the first time in months. Supposedly the sun is going to shine again today. Let's wait and see..
I am NOT taking a U-turn on this road, I am forging ahead!

there is a light at the end of the tunnel...

2010-03-16T19:09:00.003-04:00

Here it is, week #6 of radiation. I am burned to a crisp, but am so looking forward to NOT having to go out every night to get 'zapped'!! I will be officially done on March 22. Had to go an extra day because last week the machine broke down and they had to cancel everyone's appts. I was fine up to week #4; then I started to burn at the radiation site. I have used all kinds of creams, ointments and patches. I finally got the doctor to get me a prescription for Aquafor with lidacaine. Feels so much better!
Saw my oncologist on Friday, March 12. She says that all my tests are looking good, scheduled me for a bone density this week along with a mammogram. I am a bit nervous about the mammo. I pray they don't 'find' anything anywhere else. It's not UNcommon.
I had an appointment for a pulmonary function test on Monday, 3/15. I will see a pulmonary specialist on 3/22. It took an act of congress to get this appointment, fortunately for me one of the receptionists at the Cancer Center knew the office and made the call!! She's my special angel, Liz!! Guess it's WHO you know!! I am still coughing and my ribs kill, but I will be patient and see what the doctor says. Had another CT Scan last week and the oncologist told me it was CLEAN!! WHEW!!! We'll get this hacking under control yet!!

I have forged many a friendships with my 'radiation ladies'. They are wonderful and we are all in the same boat..just wanting to be CLEAN of cancer. We promised each other we won't lose touch. How can you? We have been a part of each others' lives for over a month and waited each night 'patiently' while our allotted times come and go...!!
I am now looking forward to my hair growing back in (not much there yet!) and walking the SURVIVOR'S WALK with my family and friends by my side at the Relay for Life on June 18, 2010. WHO KNEW at this time last year that I would be a SURVIVOR!??
So there is a light at the end of my tunnel and I am going to shine it brightly when I emerge!!

..half way there

2010-02-20T16:24:00.002-05:00

It's been three weeks of radiation. I THINK I'm doing ok, at least that's what the doctor/nurses tell me. NO burning...but that could still come later on. A bit tired, but that's ok, my scheduled appts are late afternoon. SO many nice women I've met. All of us are in the same boat.
Was on vacation this past week, scheduled my radiation around my being home and they were very accommodating. Opted out of a day at the casinos fearing germs and smoke.
The cough is still there. I have contacted a pulmonary specialist so I'm hoping to get in to see him soon. Also decided it's time to get back to the pain clinic about this sciatic nerve that acts up at all the wrong times. That's in a week or so.
SO much to do..so little time to do it in.
Just beaming me up each day!!

..beam me up!

2010-02-02T19:16:00.002-05:00

RADIATION HAS BEGUN...
Well, I decided to make all my appointments for 5 p.m. thinking that's a great time, everyone is home making dinner, piece of cake, not too many folks there since the center closes at 6, last appointment! NOT TO BE.
Went in on Monday, February 1 for my 'preliminary' which means they take films of every angle AND they gave me a 'new' tattoo..apparently the 'old' ones weren't in line with where they had to radiate!
Back on Tuesday, Feb. 2 for my treatment. FOUR other women in the waiting room ahead of me...that should have told me ...'someting's wong' here...since one woman said her appointment was 4:15; another was 4:30; another was 4:45..me at 5. Yup. It was 6 pm before I even got taken in to the radiation room! Then a few more films and **Z*A*P**! DONE! Out of there by 6:20; get dressed ...see you tomorrow!! REALLY wish maybe they could've called and said the computers in Boston were down, we're running a bit late...
(missed my nail appointment!!)
So I will go back on Weds., Thurs., Fri...have a weekend reprieve and then back for 5 more weeks!
BEAM ME UP, SCOTTY!!!

....snowy days and IV's

2010-01-19T19:04:00.002-05:00

Today we woke up to snow. Now it's a good thing there was no school due to the 'special election' or maybe there might NOT have been...anyway I thought it would be a GREAT day to finally do some 'me' pampering. Nails/pedi. AHHH...
Got myself to the salon, but didn't feel great getting up this a.m. Just downright BLAH, but knew I had to get moving. Did my 'thing' at the salon, and thought, I need something to get me moving today. Home and called the Cancer Center. Told them I had no energy, just felt yukky...GET UP HERE, they said, so I did.
In to the power port..no blood return. This is getting crazy. My BP was 'better' than it has been, the body just isn't doing it's thing. In comes Nurse Maureen to poke me in the arm to get some blood! UGH. After all this, I should be able to handle most anything! Nurse Sue comes in with a GIGANTUOUS bag of IV fluid, or at least it looked that way to me!! Took almost two hours to drip it through. Could say I did feel a bit better although I wasn't sure I was all that dehydrated, but then again, it's been so long since I've felt really GOOD, how would I know? We headed home, voted, and I managed to get some pasta into me. Now I'm ready for BED! Want to get to work tomorrow. NEED to work, need to be productive. It's my only saving force right now.
Let's see how it goes....

..again

2010-01-14T19:04:00.003-05:00

Yep. AGAIN. Thought it started out to be a good week. Up each morning to school, feeling 'decent', aside from this nasty cough. Wednesday, January 13, I go about my business, head to the nurse for my daily temperature reading and it's 99.6! She's concerned as she figures later in the day it will get higher. Suggests I go home and rest. Off I go..rest I do.
Woke up around 4 pm and the fever has spiked to 101.7! OH OH. knowing that in my case a temp of 100.5 is cause to hit the ER, I called the cancer center and spoke to the nurse. She advised me to get up to the ER as it could be pneumonia. Fortunately for me, when you are a 'cancer patient' you get preferential treatment. They don't take any chances when you're running a high temp. Off to chest xray; negative. ER doc comes in and wants to do a CT Scan to rule out a blood clot in my lungs. That too, came back negative, so it was determined that I had a very bad case of bronchitis. On a strong antibiotic to combat that.
My oncologist calls me tonight (Thurs) and said she was concerned about some nodules that had shown up on BOTH the CT scan's I have had in the past week. She wants to keep a close eye on them along with the radiation doctor. They will do another CT Scan in a month or so to see how it looks. She's pretty sure it has to do with the cough, so I'm not even going to worry about THAT right now!
Radiation begins on 2/1/10.

..should've read those 'vampire books'...

2010-01-10T17:29:00.002-05:00

So here's the deal. NO ONE feels as lousy as I did for over ten days and not have it be 'part of the process'. I knew it was more. Sometimes ya just gotta take the bull by the horns and insist. Had a chest xray on Tues. 1/5. No word from the doctor on Weds. I figured if it was pneumonia, she'd call. On Thursday, 1/7, I had an appointment with radiation. The nurse taking my vitals said my BP was extremely low as was my oxygen levels. Upstairs for some IV fluids. Well...I became the human pin cushion. ME? WHO HATES NEEDLES!?? Oh yah. SO dehydrated, no one could get any blood from my 'dry veins' OR from the port! FINALLY, we get a nurse who could, and I was able to give some blood so they could do a blood gas on me. They put in four bags of IV fluid to 'perk me up'. Sent Susan home, enter Barry. Oncologist comes in and we 'discuss' my options for NOT doing the Taxol. She made me feel a LOT better about bowing out. She feels that with the radiation and the pill afterwards for 5 years, I should be good. She also said my red cell count was low and I needed to come back to the cancer center on Friday for a couple of pints of blood. No problem, I'm coming in for a CT Scan anyway.
The CT SCAN: ohmygawd. Had to drink two bottles of berium in the morning. One was bad enough. Had the second on my way into the center. NEVER made it to the garage, up it came. YUK. Just about dragged myself into the center; they grabbed a wheelchair and a bucket for me. Had CT SCAN and upstairs for my 'blood'!! Should've been a vampire!!
HOME AGAIN...on the couch. Maybe in the a.m. I will feel like a new person!!!

..oh what a week

2010-01-03T15:33:00.001-05:00

Well, my last infusion was on December 28. By December 29, I was 'down for the count'. Couldn't get out of bed, felt like death was knocking on my door. God Bless my husband, Mother Teresa in disguise. He made me eat/drink, even though I wanted NOTHING to do with either. I passed on so many 'social events' this evening being yet another. I just can't get it together. I'm wondering about school tomorrow morning. Not sure I'm going to make it out of bed, let alone get there early.
I will just take it one day at a time. I am still battling a cold and cough, something that won't necessarily go away anytime soon with my cell count down. If I feel this way on Monday I will call the doctor. Don't want anymore overnights in the ER!
And here I thought 2010 would be my road to wellness.....

..and now the end is near...

2009-12-29T08:33:00.002-05:00

... I DID IT MY WAY!!
Went for my last chemo infusion on Monday, December 28, 2009. I informed the oncologist I wasn't going to go the next four rounds of Taxol. She understood, but I don't think she was totally on board with me. My feeling is, we are not shrinking a tumor, that was taken care of with surgery...why do I need any more 'preventive medicine' that's making me feel like a slug. I will do five weeks of radiation in a month.
My 'girls' came with me on Monday..Patty L., Vicki, M.A., and Patty C. We had holiday treats and of course a Scrabble game ...4-way! I was winning and Patty L. went out and took all of the points with her! I was there for five hours, but the time flew by with my girls. I LOVE THEM ALL, I am so lucky and blessed they are following me on my journey.
Monday night, Mary Lou J., and M.A. came over and M.L. trimmed up my wig to make it more 'me-like'. Added a bit of curl and I feel oh so much better in it. Won't love wearing it any more, but at least I don't think I will feel as conspicuous.
I am going to try to get out this morning and get a few errands done. I need to do some 'real' food shopping, not just send Barry out with a list. I am feeling ok this a.m. I stayed in bed until after 8:00 a.m., so I am pretty rested. Will try to get some breakfast in me, take a shower and get O-U-T!!

..the rush is over

2009-12-26T19:25:00.002-05:00

Well, the holiday rush is over. I have been in bed all day (Sat.) missing the sales and the holiday-after rush. I attribute most of my fatigue to a head cold I have had for over two weeks. Monitoring my temperature so that doesn't become an issue. No energy, no strength and still one more infusion to go on Monday. After much discussion with family, I have decided to forego the next round of chemotherapy drug, Taxol. I feel I have put my body through enough trauma to last me a life time. We are not shrinking a tumor here, so I am confident that having gone four rounds of these two drugs, I am done. I will discuss this with my oncologist on Monday. Hopefully she will be on board with my decision. I think it's time to think about what is good for ME..not what I have to look forward to in five years. A lot can happen in that length of time and I am hoping with the power or prayer and good living habits, I can be cancer-free in five years!
I am so tired of not feeling good, of being limited as to what I can do and for how long. No appetite, issues with 'bathroom' that never seem to go away and just how I look. Not meaning to sound vain, but I hate my wig, don't feel comfortable in it and can't bring myself to going the 'scarf route' either.
If I have to do radiation, so be it. My one concern about the Taxol is the neuropathy. I'm scared that with my sciatic nerve, one day I could fall down the stairs or not be able to balance. This is a frightening thought.
Let's pray that I am making the right decision and that the oncologist is on board with my decision!

......temperature's rising

2009-12-17T07:47:00.003-05:00

What started off to be what I THOUGHT might be just a mix of surgery and chemo within a couple of days, turned out to be more. On Monday night, December 14, I spiked a temp of 100.6. When you're a cancer patient, that's not a good thing. Called the oncologist and she advised me to get to the ER to be checked out. Of course everyone and their grandmother is there, so of course I had to wait in line for my turn! Had my vitals taken, my temp was down to 99, but as a precaution I was taken to a room (NOT with a view!) in the ER and given IV fluids. At 11:00 p.m., I was told I was going to be admitted but there were no available rooms. Sent Barry home, and I spent the night on a 2x4 gurney which was hell on my back/legs! Tuesday morning I was transported to a floor(AND a 'room with a view'!) and had blood work and more IV fluids. My oncologist came in that evening and said that I was anemic, dehydrated and run down. Hm....I guess that's what cancer does to you! They used my port for all the IV's so at least we know that's working. Thought I would go home early Weds. morning, but when they put yet ANOTHER IV fluid bag on, I knew it would be a while. Around 3 p.m. the case worker came in and said I could go home...YAY! My nurse's were wonderful but there's "NO PLACE LIKE HOME" and your own bed...no one coming in at midnight to 'take your vitals'...so I am home, slept like a baby and feel a little stronger today. Opted to STAY home, it's 15 degrees and windy and I'm sure FREEZING out there so I will just kind of putter around the house while I have a little strength and NOT overdo it, but get things in order...Christmas is a week away!!
Felt really bad I couldn't be 'hostess' to my sister when she was here..but I know she understands. This bump in the road is getting narrower with every turn!!

to port or not to port

2009-12-10T16:39:00.002-05:00

Well, today I went in for round #3. My sister Elaine was there with me for my visit with the oncologist and asked 'all the pertinent' questions so she could better understand what it is I am going through. Get to infusion area and it was decided that I was way too sore to have them use the port this time around. It is very swollen and sore, but the nurse and doctor are confident it's all part of the process and by December 28, I should be fine to use it. More invasions in my body.
I met a wonderful woman who was in the cubicle next to me and alone, so we chatted for a bit. It's always good to chat with someone who is going through what you are going through to get a better idea of what it is to expect. Unfortunately for Mary, this is her second time around with BC. She opted for a mastectomy this time in hopes of getting it all and being DONE! Can't say as I blame her. I'm just beginning this journey, Mary has lived it twice.
Elaine is here and has taken over my kitchen cabinets. Now if it's one thing I am NOT and that is a 'hoarder'...but I suppose that looking at what I have in plastic containers and the like, maybe I do need to chuck a few things....so I will give her that much satisfaction, but HOARDER? No. I have to draw the line on that one after viewing a show on them...creeps me out!
Now I will go and take a bit of a nap.

...oh port!

2009-12-09T08:27:00.002-05:00

Woke up to what looks like a major n'oreaster today as far as snow. Guess it's not, but I am sure glad I am NOT in it, driving or otherwise.
Had the port placed in yesterday (December 8) OH my. It hurts like you read about. I called the doctor last night after getting no relief from pain meds. He told me to add a couple of Advil with it...just to get me to SLEEP! Being a side sleeper doesn't help as neither side is comfortable. Iced it down and was still up every hour. Finally had to get up at 5:30 a.m., take a pain med and go down and get something in my stomach. Had only had a bite to eat after I got home from the hospital at noon. Decided to head back to bed this morning and see if I can't get a bit of shut-eye. Does anything get easier in this journey? Need my strength to get up tomorrow morning for round three. All part of 'the plan'...such a plan I never intended happening!

...back to the OR

2009-12-07T15:24:00.001-05:00

Well, it's back on the operating table in the a.m. Need to have a port a cath put in and Susan has offered to get up EARLY (6 a.m.) and get me to the hospital on time! They've told me it's about a half hour procedure and I should be in/out and home by noon. That's good IF they are on time getting me to the OR! Figured Weds. will be a wash for me, so I'll stay home the remainder of the week and back for round 3 on Thursday at the Cancer Center. Can't believe how many friends and family want to BE THERE and help out. Makes my life and Barry's a lot easier to have offers of rides to/from hospital and Cancer Center. THANK YOU ONE AND ALL!!
HATE my itchy head..ugh. Wish I could bite the bullet and just go with a kerchief on my head each day. Just not ready to take that step yet. It's not vanity, it's just that 'stigma' of "SHE HAS CANCER LOOK"...ick.
Let's hope this next phase will make things easier at infusion time and not be a pain for me!! Stay tuned!!

testing 1-2-3

2009-12-04T06:24:00.001-05:00

It's Friday morning...early. MY DAY OFF and I'm off to the hospital for tests. Saw the surgeon on Thursday and it's determined that I will need a port-a-cath for the chemo IV. WHEW! My arm was starting to look like I was doing drugs! AND very sore. So it's off today to have another EKG; chest xray and some blood drawn. It never ends. I start to feel a little better and WHAM! Better get used to it I guess.
The first week with the wig went well. I hate it, I feel like EVERYONE knows I have it on, but for what it's worth, it doesn't look half bad. Everyone has been so supportive and uplifting to me, I feel a lot better about myself. I'm not eating like I should be, hate the metallic taste in my mouth, but know in order to keep my strength up, I need to.
Off I go....

...buzz away

2009-12-02T06:02:00.000-05:00

Well, I did it. Had Mike come over and 'buzz' away what was left of my hair. I think he really enjoyed this!! In between the tears, I guess it was the smartest thing to do. Waking up with a mouthful of hair from my pillow wasn't a pretty sight! I didn't want to look at it right away. Just that last vestige of dignity gone awry.
Took a couple of days off to get myself back in the 'groove'. Put the wig on this a.m. and I guess it looks fine. TO ME it looks like a wig, to others maybe not so much. We'll see when we get to school today.

Just another phase of this rotten disease and what it does to your psyche.

not so good today

2009-11-29T10:21:00.002-05:00

Not a good day today. It's very disheartening to see your hair fall all over the place. The sink, the pillow, the tub, the table..yuk. Feel like I'm just cleaning hair from everywhere. Like your last 'phase of dignity' in this journey. It's making me weepy and I hate that feeling. I know...hair is hair, it grows back..but it also puts into perspective what it is you're going through on a daily basis. Bones ache today, had a shot yesterday and that's one of the side effects. I am expecting that tomorrow will be my major fatigue day. Let's hope not.
SO glad that nausea hasn't played a huge part in this. They do give you good meds to help combat that for which I am grateful.
SO wanted to attend the baby shower of my dear friends' daughter today but know in my heart I wouldn't be much company to anyone, so I'm opting to stay at home.
Well, we'll get through this..my friends and family have been so wonderful, I know I wouldn't be able to combat this alone without their help and for that I am eternally grateful. We'll just plug along each day and hope for that 'light at the end of the tunnel"....

..the day after

2009-11-28T07:17:00.002-05:00

Had my round #2 on Friday, November 27. I awoke with a headache that never seemed to go away even after the chemo nurse gave me tylenol. BUT the good side was, Patty L. and Vicki came over and we played a 3-way scrabble game! AND they didn't even let me win! IMAGINE. Should've played that 'C' card!!
Left the cancer center around 12:30 p.m. after getting there at 8:30 a.m. No matter how you slice it, I think it's going to be a 3-4 hour process each time. It's great to be able to have friends/family visit while you are there because it could get a bit boring!!
Came home, had a nice salad, Jeff was here to join me for lunch and then I hit the couch! Tried to sleep, asking Barry to 'screen' my calls so I could, but I think I finally nodded off around 4 for a bit. A little bit of upset stomach and some nausea so I took an anti-nausea med and felt somewhat better. Had no desire for supper so I just retreated upstairs to be comfy in my own bed. Around 9 p.m. I knew I needed something to fill my stomach so Barry brought me a piece of dry wheat toast that seemed to do the trick. Had a so-so night of sleep, getting up at 4:30 a.m. because I was too awake and restless to lie there and try to nod off.
Went downstairs and had a bowl of cereal with a banana, that seemed to take the 'edge' off my hunger. Needed to be productive and felt good enough to start making out my Christmas cards, pay some bills and clean out a drawer!! Now that's what I call PROGRESS!!
7:00 a.m. after I get through with this, I'm going to try to 'nap' a bit in my bed. I've made an appointment to get my hair cut short today. Am losing handfuls of hair by the minute and before I need to don that wig, I want to get it short enough to have the wig feel snug. Went so far as to buy a cute kerchief at the cancer center on Friday, but that will be worn only when I HAVE TO!! Just not the type to 'advertise', if you know what I mean!!
This 'process' gets better and better.............!!

back for 'more'...

2009-11-27T06:40:00.002-05:00

I am up early this a.m. Since my sciatic nerve in my leg is acting up and I can't take ibuprofen to help calm it, I might as well get UP and be productive! Wrapped some more Christmas gifts, that's good to occupy your mind. I go over to the cancer center at 8:00 for round 2 of chemo. Yesterday was a turning point in this crusade. I was combing my hair and looked down in the bathroom sink to see LOTS of hair that had fallen. It floored me. I knew it was coming, it was just a matter of 'when' so I don't think you are ever prepared for it when it DOES happen. I told Barry and he was right there to console me...of course, he's such a rock for me in this journey. I know I have a wig...I know eventually I will have to bite the bullet and wear it, but just to see your hair (of which I don't have a lot of!!) sitting there is a tough pill to swallow.
We had a wonderful Thanksgiving with family and friends. I couldn't be real 'sociable' as there were smokers in the house and that bothered me, so I had to retreat to another room so I wouldn't be smelling it. I left early to come home and just be alone with my thoughts about today...wondering if I'm going to feel as lousy as I did the last time on day three. All part of the process...get used to it, right!
DO YOU? DO YOU EVER "GET USED TO IT" until it's over???

...three more days to round 2

2009-11-24T06:11:00.001-05:00

So here it is the Tuesday before 'infusion' day...I have my taste buds back, just in time to lose them again. Food actually tastes good, which I find comforting because being hungry isn't great even if you are overweight!! Gearing up for turkey day feast with family and friends. Will hopefully be 'safe' from germs and enter into Friday's infusion fairly healthy.

it was bound to happen....

2009-11-17T21:00:00.003-05:00

So much of a 'good thing'. Yep. Sunday morning I couldn't lift my head off the pillow OR Monday for that matter. Nothing tasted good, food didn't appeal to me, yeah, I read it all but thought it wouldn't apply to me! Why should I be 'left out'? Fatigue is the worst. I can deal with pain to a point, but fatigue is so not nice. Dry toast, the dry heaves, they go so well with each other! Monday morning, same thing. Poor Bar didn't want to leave me, until I assured him I would be fine and just sleeping. Didn't even put on the TV that 's how yukky I felt. Susan came over on Monday night with Instant Breakfast and strawberry ice cream. Managed to get it down, but I don't even know if I LIKED IT!! I must have, I guess I drank it down. Went to school on Tues., around 10 a.m. I was feeling squeamish so I left with every intention of going back. Took a look at the couch and knew it was 'mine' for the remainder of the day! Chicken and rice for supper..sounds great, one piece was all I wanted. This isn't my idea of 'dieting'! The plan is to keep on trekking...just do what I can when I can and if I can't then so be it!

..two days into treatment

2009-11-14T12:19:00.002-05:00

Ok, so here it is, Saturday and I STILL feel pretty good. I am a bit achy from the booster shot yesterday, one of the side effects. But I was able to hit a few holiday fairs today and do breakfast with the gals. HOPING to get out to be with friends this evening, but will wait to see what the remainder of the day brings. Need to lay down and rest, maybe I am pushing myself harder than I should be, but think it's a GOOD thing since I may not have these moments in the coming weeks! Could also wrap a few more xmas gifts and make some headway in clearing out the spare bedroom! Also a 'good day' when you get up, shower, wash your hair and it's STILL in place!!

...my first session with chemo

2009-11-12T19:12:00.006-05:00

SO...I arrived at the Cancer Center at 11:20 a.m. for my first 'infusion' session. Met with the oncologist at 11:45, we went over all the whys and wherefors of the chemo...side effects, what she's giving me, etc...Went to the 'infusion' cubicle and met my nurse Ann who was wonderful. She injected me with a saline solution to 'clean out' before the chemo is put in. This was close to 2 hours worth of sitting, getting up and using the potty many times..geez, that's a pain!! Barry sat with me the whole time. Mary Alice came in for a bit to sit and talk, that's always a comfort to me. Around 2:30 p.m. they moved me to another cubicle 'down the hall' ..shift over for Ann, and Beth took over. ANOTHER fabulous nurse! Around 3 p.m. she puts in drug #1 Adriamycin. It's red..so of COURSE you're gonna see PINK when ya pee; (I thought I was all 'pinked out'!!) sat through that and around 3:30 she puts in the saline solution along with the Cytoxan-C. This took about an hour and a half. In between these times, I've taken an anti-nausea pill and up/down to the potty!! Had two bottles of water, a cup of tea and coffee. Don't let anyone tell you hospital coffee/tea is GOOD, they LIE!! Next time, it's DUNKIN' DONUTS for me!! Someone ate all the chicken salad sandwiches, so I had a pack of Fig Newtons and Lorna Doones..very healthy..of course why would they have them in the cancer center if they were BAD for you, right?
Vicki & Sandy came in before their night out with the gals..had to pass on that, I'm sure by 8 pm I'll be three sheets to the wind! Left the cancer center around 5 pm a very VERY long afternoon!!
Stopped at CVS on the way home to pick up MORE anti-nausea meds and came home to dinner. Had a few bites of roasted chicken and some potatoes and carrots..downed another TWO bottles of water and I'm STILL parched! They told me this would happen, so I'm well prepared!
Called some of my nearest/dearest and now it's time for bed!! Have to be fitted for my wig on Friday and get my 'build-up-my-white-blood-cells-injection' tomorrow as well. They tell me my WORST day could be tomorrow. SO not looking forward to that!
Time will tell!!!

....twas the night before...

2009-11-11T19:13:00.003-05:00

Ok, so it's Wedsnesday night..before I begin chemo. So many thoughts in my head. So many phone calls from concerned friends and family wishing me well. I am so blessed and fortunate to have so many who care surrounding me with their love. Have to say, I AM SCARED S*itless..yep, I am. Hoping I will sleep ok tonight and not dwell on the inevitable. Had some retail therapy today and am pleased to say that I am just about 97 1/2% done with my holiday shopping. Feels good to be more than a month away from Christmas and I have all that done.
Hope to be able to post a blog or two after chemo tomorrow. We'll see....

...relaxing by the ocean

2009-11-10T16:59:00.003-05:00

Took a weekend and spent it by the sea, by the beautiful sea with dear friends, Ellen & Steve Nelson. Arrived on Thursday evening with Barry, stopping at the supermarket for food, had a quiet evening eating in, just relaxing. The Nelson's arrived on Friday afternoon and we had our walk along the beach just enjoying each other's company and the sunshine and ocean. Decided to go to dinner in downtown Chatham that evening, came home and had a couple of Scrabble games with Ellen. The guys just chatted and caught up with what's going on in the world! Early to bed...
Up on Saturday morning, had a light breakfast and decided to take a trip to Provincetown. Haven't been there in years and thought it would be a nice drive. The weather was perfect, the company exceptional and the ride to P-town was fun. We drove to the tip of Cape Cod, took a few photos, watched a 'corvette parade' come around the corner and then proceeded to go into town. Did some shopping and went to lunch at THE LOBSTER POT (highly recommended by all!) The service was great, the food was awesome and filled..we headed out of P-town and stopped at the Provincetown Lighthouse. Steve and I decided to be daring (under Ellen's watchful eye) and hopped the 'safety fence' to gaze at the cliffs below. What an awesome sight!! No dare devil stunts by either of us, but some great photos.
Ride back to Chatham was nice, the sun was setting and everything was perfect. We opted not to go out Saturday night but had a few games of whist and Scrabble and by 10:00 we were all yawning!!
This was a perfect way to spend a weekend prior to thinking about chemo treatments and just be with dear friends, hubby and the SEA! Can't thank my dear friend Bob enough for his generosity in 'lending' me his home so I could clear my head and think of nothing else but peace and quiet!
A 'short week' for me this week, with a holiday in the middle, chemo treatment #1 begins at 11:30 a.m. on November 12....

to 'wig' or not to 'wig'...

2009-11-04T18:35:00.003-05:00

Well, how much fun is it to have to go and pick out a wig on account of you are expecting your hair to fall out with chemo? ONLY if you bring three of your nearest and dearest!! Went to a local salon and met with Rita who was just as nice as can be. She wasn't surprised I brought along three friends...Patty, M.A. and Sandy. We tried some wigs on and we laughed and laughed. Of course there wasn't a lot to try, but I did find one that I think will fit the bill. It's ordered, so now I await it's arrival. I love my girls for being there with and FOR me, as always!! I would post the pictures, but I might wet my pants laughing out loud!!

'last call' with surgeon...

2009-10-30T16:03:00.001-04:00

Met with the surgeon today for my post-op. She said the incision looks great and that I should be all set for what's next...we know what THAT is! Also said she thought it a good idea to begin some kind of exercise program to strengthen the arm that she removed lymph nodes from. A little sore, but do-able! Will see me in six months which should be after all my treatments. She's confident I'm doing the right thing by chemo. Am I SO CONFIDENT? Not too sure..but she told me to stop second-guessing myself and go with it, I will be so much better off for it later on. Oh so easy for someone else to say. Need to grab Sandy and go 'wig-shopping'!!

Meeting with Oncologist 10/23/09

2009-10-23T14:03:00.003-04:00

Just got back from my appointment with the oncologist. How lucky was I to have my daughter in law Susie accompany me to this appointment? My son is a very lucky man! We went over the 'course of treatment' and that will begin on Thursday, November 12. I will start adjuvant chemotherapy with four cycles of Adriamycin and Cytoxin. After that four weeks, I will then begin another four weeks of Taxol. So much medical jargon..so much to read, so many 'side effects'..geez...will I get through this? I know I will, it's just so much to take in at once. After each treatment I will go back to the cancer center and have an injection to boost my white blood cells which will be killed off with these medicines. I've opted to do my treatments on Thursdays...so of course the next few months a holiday or holiday eve falls on a THURSDAY!! So, we'll work around it! Guess it's time to go 'wig-shopping'!

GOOD NEWS!

2009-10-22T15:38:00.001-04:00

Came home on Wednesday to great news. The surgeon's office called and said the 'margins were clear, no more surgery'! How exciting. I would've been even MORE excited had they said you're clear, so let's forget the chemo!! Appointment with oncologist on Friday, October 23. I am sure she will have the information I need to begin treatment. I think I need to gear myself up for this and look at it as a healing process. I have more offers of 'chemo angels', I am so very lucky. I hope that I can take advantage of asking friends to share in this journey with me. I think that it will be an easier process for me to digest. Thank you to all who have been there with words, cards, phone calls and most of all, prayers! I know it's going to be a tough road ahead, and I am going to try my darndest to get through it.

surgery ...again

2009-10-18T18:53:00.001-04:00

On Friday, October 16, 2009, I went in for more surgery. THIS time, it was to 'clean out the margins' around the lumpectomy. I opted to stay awake during this surgery, which was great, it only took less than a half hour. I could hear what was going on but never felt a thing!! Guess it's good to be in la-la land every now and then!
It is now snowing. Imagine that. Life does go on and so does the weather!! The PATS are beating up on Tennessee. The key players have been pulled..well, most of them, so this should be a good coup for our team!!

...surgery

2009-10-18T16:24:00.001-04:00

Returned to school on September 1. The long Labor Day weekend was set aside to go to Normandy Farms in Foxboro to camp for the weekend. Friends and family consisted of Debbie, Scott, Jayne, Joey, Jenn, Jillian, Amy...Jackie & Skylar, Derek & Friends and various folks who 'dropped by'. The weather couldn't have been better. We swam in the pool in the day, did a little shopping (well of course I DID!!) had great food, lots of laughs and it gave me a time to put it all into perspective. In a few weeks I would be going in for surgery.

September 24..surgery at South Shore Hospital.
Arrived at 7:00 a.m. for scheduled surgery at 10:40. Around 9:00 they sent Barry home and brought me to radiology. I had three mammograms done (ouch) and then the radiologist inserted a needle to help guide the surgeon to the site. Back up to wait, it was 12:45 p.m. before I was taken down to the OR. What a long day..I was starving, even with the IV fluids in, I just wanted something to drink!! Saw Jayne who was to be with me during the surgery, then off to sleep I went! I awoke in recovery around 4 pm. I guess it all went ok..I was told later that Dr. Suniti Nimbkar took out 23 lymph nodes and three were cancerous. I went home around 5:30 p.m. and I was beat. So many wonderful people left off food and I was left to rest. The next day (Friday) I was beat, so I spent the better half of the day just relaxing, resting and taking it easy. I do believe that on Saturday, September 26, Susan came over and took me for a ride. We went to the beach and lunch and did a little retail therapy. What better way to recover than to shop!? That night the four of us (John, Susan, Barry & I) went to dinner. I felt pretty good..considering I was a bit sore under the armpit! I stayed home from school for 7 days opting to go back after my visit with the surgeon on Oct. 6. She gave me the ok to 'work as needed' without pain or discomfort. Didn't want to use up too many sick days as I knew the 'best was yet to come'!! She informed me at this visit that she would like for me to begin chemotherapy treatments in a month or so....what was I THINKING? This could be a 'walk in the park' for me? Radiation for a few weeks and I'd be home free? I guess not. She threw me for a loop. My class reunion is coming up in a few days...I am going to party like it's 1969!! AND I DID! What a blast. Us gals (Housekeepers, as we so aptly named ourselves years ago...) met at Carol's house in Walpole for a sleep over and 'fashion show'!! The girls brought out a cake for me...sang "HAPPY CHEMOTHERAPY" to the tune of Happy Birthday..and gave me a beautiful journal for my thoughts. So now I am going to have to use this as my 'chemo journal' in addition to this blog! If/when I figure out if this blog is going to work and anyone out there cares to read it, then maybe this journey won't be so bad after all!!

...and so it continues

2009-10-18T16:09:00.000-04:00

I needed to get out on Friday night, August 28, be with family, friends, anyone who would help to get me to understand and realize that this is the real deal. Dinner with friends/family at Nino's in Weymouth was a great diversion. I laughed, I had a glass of wine, but to beat the band, I had a lousy dinner!! So much for that. I am beginning to prepare myself for what is to be. The oncologist has decided to do a lumpectomy and check out my lymph nodes. I wouldn't find out for a few days when the scheduled surgery was but got a call that it would be on September 24, 2009. I was starting back to school on September 1. Who do I tell? Who do I not tell? Does everyone, should everyone know?? Of course I had to tell my 'girls'...the PINK FABS...Mary Alice, Patty L., Sandy, Vicki...and of course the support from them was overwhelming. M.A. came over, we had a long talk, she has been through this, WE will get through this together. I knew that. Patty..bless her soul, she wants to give me a 'pink dinner'. We need to ask the 'young un's' ...Laurie, Katie and Chris. It was all set to have this dinner the weekend I planned our trip to Ogunquit, Maine for Barry's birthday. THIS trip was going to be a blast. The gang from 40 years past was going up and we were going to re-live our "TOBY WEEKEND" from 1972! How fun would that turn out to be? Ok. I can get home by 4 pm for my 'pink dinner', but not before I have a blast with David, Joe, John, Lorraine, Kevin, Jean, Trish, Kay, Marie, Bill, and Rich Carlson. Saw Sally Struthers at the Ogunquit Theatre in "ALL SHOOK UP", had drinks at the FRONT PORCH; lunch at "BLUE WATER"; walked the Marginal Way with Joe and David; walked the beach...stayed at THE ANCHORAGE and shopped! What a whirlwind weekend. They made me laugh, they gave me the support I needed to know that I would be going in for surgery the following Thursday and prayers galore!! I can do this..I have the BEST support system ever!!

The Journey has begun

2009-10-18T16:01:00.000-04:00

My journey to learning I have been diagnosed with breast cancer began in July, 2009. After a routine mammogram, I was asked to return for an ultra sound. Not realizing then that I should be 'worried', I went for my ultra sound and the radiologist recommended that I have a biopsy. Since I was doing my summer camp job, I asked if I could postpone that biopsy until the end of August. This was do-able, so on August 25th, I went to SSH and had the biopsy done. I went alone, thinking I would be ok and the radiologist said that I would have results sometime by the end of the week. By Thursday, August 27, I got that call I had dreaded but not quite had come to grips with...the radiologist said the biopsy was malignant and that he found cancer cells. NOT what I wanted to hear all by myself on a beautiful sunny day in August! Immediately I knew I had to call someone...so it was my sister Elaine in California. After a few 'choice words' she calmed me down and said ...'IT WILL BE OK, we're in this together'...Soon after that, Barry came in and he knew by the look on my face that something was up. Not long after that I got a call from my doctor's office that I was to go to the Breast Care Center in S. Weymouth to meet with an oncology surgeon. This appointment was on Friday, August 28. ...