not so good today

Not a good day today. It's very disheartening to see your hair fall all over the place. The sink, the pillow, the tub, the table..yuk. Feel like I'm just cleaning hair from everywhere. Like your last 'phase of dignity' in this journey. It's making me weepy and I hate that feeling. I know...hair is hair, it grows back..but it also puts into perspective what it is you're going through on a daily basis. Bones ache today, had a shot yesterday and that's one of the side effects. I am expecting that tomorrow will be my major fatigue day. Let's hope not.
SO glad that nausea hasn't played a huge part in this. They do give you good meds to help combat that for which I am grateful.
SO wanted to attend the baby shower of my dear friends' daughter today but know in my heart I wouldn't be much company to anyone, so I'm opting to stay at home.
Well, we'll get through this..my friends and family have been so wonderful, I know I wouldn't be able to combat this alone without their help and for that I am eternally grateful. We'll just plug along each day and hope for that 'light at the end of the tunnel"....

..the day after

Had my round #2 on Friday, November 27. I awoke with a headache that never seemed to go away even after the chemo nurse gave me tylenol. BUT the good side was, Patty L. and Vicki came over and we played a 3-way scrabble game! AND they didn't even let me win! IMAGINE. Should've played that 'C' card!!
Left the cancer center around 12:30 p.m. after getting there at 8:30 a.m. No matter how you slice it, I think it's going to be a 3-4 hour process each time. It's great to be able to have friends/family visit while you are there because it could get a bit boring!!
Came home, had a nice salad, Jeff was here to join me for lunch and then I hit the couch! Tried to sleep, asking Barry to 'screen' my calls so I could, but I think I finally nodded off around 4 for a bit. A little bit of upset stomach and some nausea so I took an anti-nausea med and felt somewhat better. Had no desire for supper so I just retreated upstairs to be comfy in my own bed. Around 9 p.m. I knew I needed something to fill my stomach so Barry brought me a piece of dry wheat toast that seemed to do the trick. Had a so-so night of sleep, getting up at 4:30 a.m. because I was too awake and restless to lie there and try to nod off.
Went downstairs and had a bowl of cereal with a banana, that seemed to take the 'edge' off my hunger. Needed to be productive and felt good enough to start making out my Christmas cards, pay some bills and clean out a drawer!! Now that's what I call PROGRESS!!
7:00 a.m. after I get through with this, I'm going to try to 'nap' a bit in my bed. I've made an appointment to get my hair cut short today. Am losing handfuls of hair by the minute and before I need to don that wig, I want to get it short enough to have the wig feel snug. Went so far as to buy a cute kerchief at the cancer center on Friday, but that will be worn only when I HAVE TO!! Just not the type to 'advertise', if you know what I mean!!
This 'process' gets better and better.............!!

back for 'more'...

I am up early this a.m. Since my sciatic nerve in my leg is acting up and I can't take ibuprofen to help calm it, I might as well get UP and be productive! Wrapped some more Christmas gifts, that's good to occupy your mind. I go over to the cancer center at 8:00 for round 2 of chemo. Yesterday was a turning point in this crusade. I was combing my hair and looked down in the bathroom sink to see LOTS of hair that had fallen. It floored me. I knew it was coming, it was just a matter of 'when' so I don't think you are ever prepared for it when it DOES happen. I told Barry and he was right there to console me...of course, he's such a rock for me in this journey. I know I have a wig...I know eventually I will have to bite the bullet and wear it, but just to see your hair (of which I don't have a lot of!!) sitting there is a tough pill to swallow.
We had a wonderful Thanksgiving with family and friends. I couldn't be real 'sociable' as there were smokers in the house and that bothered me, so I had to retreat to another room so I wouldn't be smelling it. I left early to come home and just be alone with my thoughts about today...wondering if I'm going to feel as lousy as I did the last time on day three. All part of the process...get used to it, right!
DO YOU? DO YOU EVER "GET USED TO IT" until it's over???

...three more days to round 2

So here it is the Tuesday before 'infusion' day...I have my taste buds back, just in time to lose them again. Food actually tastes good, which I find comforting because being hungry isn't great even if you are overweight!! Gearing up for turkey day feast with family and friends. Will hopefully be 'safe' from germs and enter into Friday's infusion fairly healthy.

it was bound to happen....

So much of a 'good thing'. Yep. Sunday morning I couldn't lift my head off the pillow OR Monday for that matter. Nothing tasted good, food didn't appeal to me, yeah, I read it all but thought it wouldn't apply to me! Why should I be 'left out'? Fatigue is the worst. I can deal with pain to a point, but fatigue is so not nice. Dry toast, the dry heaves, they go so well with each other! Monday morning, same thing. Poor Bar didn't want to leave me, until I assured him I would be fine and just sleeping. Didn't even put on the TV that 's how yukky I felt. Susan came over on Monday night with Instant Breakfast and strawberry ice cream. Managed to get it down, but I don't even know if I LIKED IT!! I must have, I guess I drank it down. Went to school on Tues., around 10 a.m. I was feeling squeamish so I left with every intention of going back. Took a look at the couch and knew it was 'mine' for the remainder of the day! Chicken and rice for supper..sounds great, one piece was all I wanted. This isn't my idea of 'dieting'! The plan is to keep on trekking...just do what I can when I can and if I can't then so be it!

..two days into treatment

Ok, so here it is, Saturday and I STILL feel pretty good. I am a bit achy from the booster shot yesterday, one of the side effects. But I was able to hit a few holiday fairs today and do breakfast with the gals. HOPING to get out to be with friends this evening, but will wait to see what the remainder of the day brings. Need to lay down and rest, maybe I am pushing myself harder than I should be, but think it's a GOOD thing since I may not have these moments in the coming weeks! Could also wrap a few more xmas gifts and make some headway in clearing out the spare bedroom! Also a 'good day' when you get up, shower, wash your hair and it's STILL in place!!

...my first session with chemo

SO...I arrived at the Cancer Center at 11:20 a.m. for my first 'infusion' session. Met with the oncologist at 11:45, we went over all the whys and wherefors of the chemo...side effects, what she's giving me, etc...Went to the 'infusion' cubicle and met my nurse Ann who was wonderful. She injected me with a saline solution to 'clean out' before the chemo is put in. This was close to 2 hours worth of sitting, getting up and using the potty many times..geez, that's a pain!! Barry sat with me the whole time. Mary Alice came in for a bit to sit and talk, that's always a comfort to me. Around 2:30 p.m. they moved me to another cubicle 'down the hall' ..shift over for Ann, and Beth took over. ANOTHER fabulous nurse! Around 3 p.m. she puts in drug #1 Adriamycin. It's red..so of COURSE you're gonna see PINK when ya pee; (I thought I was all 'pinked out'!!) sat through that and around 3:30 she puts in the saline solution along with the Cytoxan-C. This took about an hour and a half. In between these times, I've taken an anti-nausea pill and up/down to the potty!! Had two bottles of water, a cup of tea and coffee. Don't let anyone tell you hospital coffee/tea is GOOD, they LIE!! Next time, it's DUNKIN' DONUTS for me!! Someone ate all the chicken salad sandwiches, so I had a pack of Fig Newtons and Lorna Doones..very healthy..of course why would they have them in the cancer center if they were BAD for you, right?
Vicki & Sandy came in before their night out with the gals..had to pass on that, I'm sure by 8 pm I'll be three sheets to the wind! Left the cancer center around 5 pm a very VERY long afternoon!!
Stopped at CVS on the way home to pick up MORE anti-nausea meds and came home to dinner. Had a few bites of roasted chicken and some potatoes and carrots..downed another TWO bottles of water and I'm STILL parched! They told me this would happen, so I'm well prepared!
Called some of my nearest/dearest and now it's time for bed!! Have to be fitted for my wig on Friday and get my 'build-up-my-white-blood-cells-injection' tomorrow as well. They tell me my WORST day could be tomorrow. SO not looking forward to that!
Time will tell!!!

....twas the night before...

Ok, so it's Wedsnesday night..before I begin chemo. So many thoughts in my head. So many phone calls from concerned friends and family wishing me well. I am so blessed and fortunate to have so many who care surrounding me with their love. Have to say, I AM SCARED S*itless..yep, I am. Hoping I will sleep ok tonight and not dwell on the inevitable. Had some retail therapy today and am pleased to say that I am just about 97 1/2% done with my holiday shopping. Feels good to be more than a month away from Christmas and I have all that done.
Hope to be able to post a blog or two after chemo tomorrow. We'll see....

...relaxing by the ocean

Took a weekend and spent it by the sea, by the beautiful sea with dear friends, Ellen & Steve Nelson. Arrived on Thursday evening with Barry, stopping at the supermarket for food, had a quiet evening eating in, just relaxing. The Nelson's arrived on Friday afternoon and we had our walk along the beach just enjoying each other's company and the sunshine and ocean. Decided to go to dinner in downtown Chatham that evening, came home and had a couple of Scrabble games with Ellen. The guys just chatted and caught up with what's going on in the world! Early to bed...
Up on Saturday morning, had a light breakfast and decided to take a trip to Provincetown. Haven't been there in years and thought it would be a nice drive. The weather was perfect, the company exceptional and the ride to P-town was fun. We drove to the tip of Cape Cod, took a few photos, watched a 'corvette parade' come around the corner and then proceeded to go into town. Did some shopping and went to lunch at THE LOBSTER POT (highly recommended by all!) The service was great, the food was awesome and filled..we headed out of P-town and stopped at the Provincetown Lighthouse. Steve and I decided to be daring (under Ellen's watchful eye) and hopped the 'safety fence' to gaze at the cliffs below. What an awesome sight!! No dare devil stunts by either of us, but some great photos.
Ride back to Chatham was nice, the sun was setting and everything was perfect. We opted not to go out Saturday night but had a few games of whist and Scrabble and by 10:00 we were all yawning!!
This was a perfect way to spend a weekend prior to thinking about chemo treatments and just be with dear friends, hubby and the SEA! Can't thank my dear friend Bob enough for his generosity in 'lending' me his home so I could clear my head and think of nothing else but peace and quiet!
A 'short week' for me this week, with a holiday in the middle, chemo treatment #1 begins at 11:30 a.m. on November 12....

to 'wig' or not to 'wig'...

Well, how much fun is it to have to go and pick out a wig on account of you are expecting your hair to fall out with chemo? ONLY if you bring three of your nearest and dearest!! Went to a local salon and met with Rita who was just as nice as can be. She wasn't surprised I brought along three friends...Patty, M.A. and Sandy. We tried some wigs on and we laughed and laughed. Of course there wasn't a lot to try, but I did find one that I think will fit the bill. It's ordered, so now I await it's arrival. I love my girls for being there with and FOR me, as always!! I would post the pictures, but I might wet my pants laughing out loud!!